The Dirty Word

Stay in School

2009-10-01T20:45:00.003-07:00

Abstinence education should, in my opinion, consist of teaching teenagers the meaning of the word abstinence, and then move on to more important topics like contraception.

Does that seem harsh? Well I went to catholic high school and I was exposed to three years of it. Three years of watching videos in religion class, three years of reading right wing articles about the invalidity of gay love, and the scorn of god toward users of birth control.

Did your school hand out condoms? Did they show you how to put them on? If yes, that means you received your education above the Mason Dixon line or in a public school that doesn't hang crucifixes everywhere.

I spent one year outside of the Canadian Catholic School board and in that one single year I learnt all the different kinds of birth control, from the pill to the rhythm method. I was instructed about the percentage of success of each and it all happened in a few weeks of gym class.

We also were shown slides of the consequences. Every major STI was featured, we even had to do a presentation to the class about our favourite.

I think I did genital warts.

It was a little gross, incredibly awkward, and occasionally arousing, but totally necessary for the proper socialization of any North American teenager.

If you don't believe me just refer to a 2006 study done by the University of Columbia which showed that statistically any decline in pregnacy rates is in states that offer the "safe-sex" education program, while a brand new study released about two weeks ago show that the USA's more religious states, or "the south," as its know to the rest of the world, have a higher rate of teenage pregnancy.

I'm not supposing that religion causes increased fertility, or contraceptive stupidity, I've sinned with some very religious people, in the biblical sense, and (mostly) always used protection. The mystery cause of the spike in the teen birth flow chart is easily solved.

LACK OF EDUCATION!

I don't know anything about physics or biology, because I wasn't taught about it. I didn't take those classes, and young people aren't going to know their ass from someone else's hole in the ground if it isn't explained to them in really simple terms.

Put this there, or that in there, always wrap it, and depending what your doing to whom, use lube. The end.

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On a lighter note, I'm taking a short break from my writing work, so sorry to everyone who's emailed me about it. I'm using the time to expand the page, and am currently shopping for a web designer. I hope everyone likes the new layout and logo. There WILL be a Freaky Friday post tomorrow, I promise.

LGBTAQI&F: No my keyboard isn't broken

2009-09-29T20:25:00.001-07:00

Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered, LGBT, its short, its simple and I'd say most of North America understands the meaning of the words that make up that acronym. After time there was even a lonely "Q" added to encompass the wider range and diversity of the LGBTQ community, but it seems lately that more letters of the alphabet are being thrown on board as well.

So what are all these emerging forms of sexuality? We're still working on getting conservatives to admit plain old dick in ass, clitoral mashing, vanilla, homosexual sex isn't the by-product of some mental illness, let alone indoctrinating the masses to a whole new series of delightful human physicality.

A lot of them aren't new, but run through the list just this once.

Earlier today I heard someone talking about the asexual community. Which would logically expand the title to LGBTQA. This is the best group to start with due to their increasing visibility. They fly the fiery flag of plain dark blue, and now march in most major gay parades. From a scientific standpoint the word asexual would mean a creature that reproduces without the aid of a mate, but when applied to the only people wearing pants at the pride parade, it implies a total lack of lust, attraction, or want of sex toward anyone, or anything.

The main group spearheading their movement seems to be the AVEN, or the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.

It does seem though that there is a key difference to the plight of the asexual. With the exception of the members of the queer community who don't feel that the "A" belongs alongside them, no one is discriminating against them. Its more of a movement of acknowledgment.

Well here at THE DIRTY WORD, we believe in you, way more then Peter Pan, and believe that if the definition of queer is anything outside of the heteronormal, then you my unaroused friends get an "A+."

The next word floating around this boggle match is "I" for intersex. According to the ISNA (dear god we're in acronym hell right now), or the Intersex Society of North America anywhere from 1 in 1500 to 1 in 2000 people are born and classified medically as intersexual, or some simply, a person that possesses mixed sex anatomy. Sometimes its internal, other times its not. Its a complicated classification mainly due to the fact that there are so many things that could technically cause a person to fall in this category.

The Intersex Initiative says it the best, "There is no single "intersex body"; it encompasses a wide variety of conditions that do not have anything in common except that they are deemed "abnormal" by the society. What makes intersex people similar is their experiences of medicalization, not biology."

It also brings is up to LGBTQAI.

It might look like a bad draw in scrabble, but we're not done yet. There's one more left, and this one goes out to all those boring heterosexuals out there. The last letter is "F." Standing only for friends. The queer community, and all its extensions, have blown up in recent years. Television, radio, film, music and all forms of media now showcase a barrage of gay images, good and bad.

Its refreshing to some who lived with literally nothing openly and positively reflective of themselves in popular culture for so long, and its insulting and deviant to those who would have things remain the way they once were.

The North American LGBTAQI civil rights movement has evolved from of a riot outside of a hotel called "Stonewall" into a massive political force, but do not forget strait people, that this movement, larger then ever, is still a minority and needs its friends. It needs them voting, supporting, and even marching alongside it.

Dogs Best Friend

2009-09-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

You know some days you love writing and other days you just have to be happy you don't own a dog.

For me right now 399 Euros could buy quite a lot. Thats about 630 dollars canadian, and that doesn't include shipping, but its the only price you'll pay if you want to buy your canine companion the latest in premium, designer, French, dog sex toys.

The Hotdoll, is the latest and greatest creation from the Lille, France based design studio "Feel Addicted." It is a small plastic, quadraped device, that has a small cone in the rear, made entirely out of silicone, and will allow mans best friend to, temporarily, bestow their affections on a totally inanimate object.

To be honest, it does look pretty amazing from a design perspective, and I would of never of guessed its true purpose at first glance, if it wasn't for website descriptions and the picture I found of a golden retriever sliding itself right up in the "cone."

The website chiefly in charge of selling these bastions of excess, describe a simple reasoning for purchase, but the paragraph is so full of spelling mistakes and poor grammar that I refuse to even quote it on this website. To paraphrase, "are you tired of your dog humping your things and friends?"

It almost seems like an erotic version of the cats scratching post. Though it does come with its features, like non-slip rubber feet, and black plastic cap, to hide the tortured orifice. It does seem though that there is one point that people seem to be missing.

Make a slightly bigger hole and most human males could, and some fetishists would, fuck a designer made, French, dog shaped figurine, even share it with their pet, making this the sickest phenomena in the western world. The worst consequence being that eventually I'll have to write about it, and we're kink positive here, so as long as the real dog was safe I wouldn't be able to take issue with it.

Yet I regress, its odd, its interesting, its cool looking, its imported, and its expensive, but I just have this feeling that somewhere, out in west Hollywood, some poor dog is watching some poor human dicking around with his sex toy.

Cross All Your T's and Dot All Your Gays

2009-09-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

Friends and regular readers, they both exist I swear, will know that I'm putting together plans to launch "thedirtyword.com," but all that's pretty slow coming at the moment.

I love the internet, despite all the scams, electronic dating dishonesty, illegal pornography, and that website my ex made about me, its given every man, woman, and small asian child a voice, united the kinky world together, and made news and information accessible to anyone near a library. Its also made social and political movements, good and bad, easier to unearth for any would-be activist, or organizer.

Well there are now two companies battling it out to control a small part of sexual activism and profiteerism.

I will one day soon have "thedirtyword.com" I promise that, but no matter who wins the race to registry I could, one day soon, if I chose to, have "thedirtyword.gay."

Isn't that awesome?

I won't though, this is a pro-gay website, that discusses gay issues , and gay sexuality and kink, but we also discuss, strait issues, strait sexuality and kink, and by combination of the two we cover bisexuality as well I suppose, we love trannies, and yes, we're inching toward asexuality as well. So until there is an acronym to cover all human beings sexual idenities and someone pays the near 200,000 dollars to let me toss it on the end of a web address we'll continue to set our sights on dot com, while secretly wishing we were cool enough to be dot gay.

The really awesome part is that while the "Dot Gay Alliance," and "Dotgay.com" seem to be in competing for ownership of the TLD (top-level domain), both promise to donate profits to LGBT(QIA) charities.

The biggest difference according to Nathan Strang, a writer for The Bilerico Project (bilerico.com) is that the Dot Gay Alliance is run by Joe Dolce, a gay publisher and editor, while Dotgay.com is managed and run by Alexander Schubert, a strait European businessman, who is also creating other "dots" like ".green," or ".nyc."

While according to the "Dot Gay Alliance," at least 51% of profit generated will go back into the LGBT(QIA) community, "Dotgay.com" states that "Over two thirds of the ownership and thus profits are controlled by the LGBT community. That means that over two thirds of the profit of each “.gay” domain name purchase are donated for the LGBT cause."

Which at first glance sounds great, but to me, could be interpreted in two ways. One, that queer based charities are going to control a majority of the ownership and receive the profit, or, two, that a majority of queer people are going to be placed in charge, which doesn't necessarily denote that it will effect the whole community, just select members of it.

My cynical interpretation aside, it does seem like sincere promises, on both sides, meaning that no matter what, the community will benefit, and even more wonderfully, the internet will get a little more gay.

Television, Don't Sit to Close

2009-09-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

The Health minister of India has worked out a new plan, that he believes will slow population growth in his country.

I warn you, its progressive, its outside the box, and its main basis is to give every home in rural India electricity, but it doesn't include electrodes to the testicles. That's right, because with their exploding populous something has to be done and Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad is poised to fix, so to speak, all of India's ever expanding problems with television.

They celebrated the astonishing 1 billionth birth in the year 2000, the population grows by a whopping 18 million new born babies every year, and by 2028 they will of over taken China, as the worlds most populated country. There are religious, and cultural importance attached to having a large family, and a massive amount of scepticism toward government family planning, due to the failed 1970s sterilization program, that left many young, unwed, poor men snipped to mit.

So what is the new televised solution? Could it be a respectful, educational, and valuable government sponsored series on the dangers of over population, the risks of HIV, and the effective forms, and uses, of birth control?

No, of course not. First off that would be too simple and logical, and secondly the whole tone of this article would be different.

What Azad has proposed, is that they provide all of India with electricity, so that they can watch television, which, as house wives across America will attest, kills the sex drive.

"If there is electricity in every village, then people will watch TV till late at night and then fall asleep. They won't get a chance to produce children," he was quoted saying, and yes he has gone on record to point out that he wasn't joking.

Well as much as the last season of Everybody Loves Raymond makes me never want to have sex again, ever, the plan does seem a little flawed.

The family planning and safe sex movement were halted in India decades ago by poor, and discriminatory policy in the 1970s. An aggressive government funded education initiative is needed to effect the next generation of Indian citizens, not a wish, not a prayer, and not the late show, though everyone still likes Conan.

Freaky Fridays: Crush/Trampling Fetishists

2009-09-18T15:31:00.001-07:00

I know its only been a few days but it seems like a great while has passed between pieces. Things here at THE DIRTY WORD are moving along, I've spent most of the week designing and creating our new logo in my kitchen, which I'm sure has got the sitophiles (food fetishists) all excited. That will hopefully be out next week.

I'm looking at expanding the column to include other writers or bloggers on other subjects on a biweekly basis, so if anyone knows a literate dominatrix then let me know.

In the more immediate future though I'll be adding an RSS feed, which I only just found out existed, and hopefully leaving the wonderful Blogspot and opening my own site, full domain name and all.

There are something like 60 million blogs in the word, its time I made mine a little more distinctive.

Its all terribly interesting isn't it, but that's not why your reading, your reading because its freaky fucking Friday and you want to know that maybe all that porn you found under your sons bed isn't really that strange at all.

Well earlier in the week I watched a naked woman crush a bug under a stiletto heel, and thought it would be absolutely perfect for this weeks FF entry.

Crush fetishism, a subculture of the foot worshipping crowd, are people, mostly males, who enjoy the sight of someone's foot crushing an object or animal. From what I've seen its typically bugs that are stepped on though I did read about mice, reptiles and even puppies, being stepped on.

Its very similar to another kink called trample play, which involves similar scenario, with the distinct exception that its another human being that's under foot.

The reason or circumstance that create this desire is largely unknown, but heavily speculated on. It is seemingly a complicated multitude of eroticisms adding up to one interesting sum.

There are elements of domination and submission, masochism, and clearly a strong sexual desire to see someone's feet doing something to something else. Both crush and trampling play share these similar elements, but the tramplers take the erotic cake by pushing it a step further.

Cock trampling, the last in today's piece, is exactly what it sounds like it would be. Not as friendly as a "foot job," or nearly as messy as a high heel shoe crushing a beetle, its just the gradual application of pressure to the male genitals to induce pain which for the foot worshipping masochist leads to arousal.

Before the advent of the internet these people were confided to slave away quietly at Foot Locker, jerking off in the employee bathroom, but now, if you fit any degree of anything described above, and you live in or near a major city, chances are you can find a group of people in your area.

Flying Solo

2009-09-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

I was once told, by an idiot, that masturbating prevents cancer. No qualifiers, no specification, just plain as day, he told me that masturbating cures cancer. Which would be wonderful, if it was as true as this incredibly broad statement suggested. I could smoke 3 packs of cigarettes for the rest of my unnatural life and never worry about anything more then yellow teeth and bad smelling clothes.

So, low and behold, I've investigated this wild medical claim and discovered the fact behind the incredible fiction I build in my mind.

The truth is that masturbating is believed by some doctors to help prevent prostate cancer. The problem is that its also believed by some doctors to increase the chances of prostate cancer. See the dilemma.

The latest study I could find was by a team of Australian researchers, who believed they had finally solved the riddle of playing with the pink tromboner.

Team leader Graham Giles told the BBC in an interview "The more you flush the [prostate] out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells." So therefore masturbation might not be what Jesus would do, but it also might help you avoid meeting him for a little while longer.

It seems strait forward, and he's a doctor so we place a lot of faith in his opinions an conclusions. All the data was collected through survey of men who once, or currently suffers from prostate cancer, and men who've never shown any signs of the illness.

The team believes this study stands out beyond all the rest because they view the previous theories surveying as essentially flawed. Dr.Giles believes that other researchers didn't eliminate the fact that a person who was very sexually active while younger, had a higher chance of contracting an STI, making that a more likely cause of the cancer.

I read another study, claiming that frequent masturbation can increase the chances of developing prostate cancer by 79% in 20-30 year old males, but even according to the author, Polyxeni Dimitropoulou's own words, the study measured men with high sex drive more than actual frequency of masturbation, and not taking into account that these men would be more sexually active, and possibly have an STI, giving further weight to the Australian study.

Either way the topic is clearly going to be continually debated and the research methods refined, so more definitive conclusions can be met.

Until then is anyone going to stop masturbating?

Didn't think so.

Body Worlds Gets a Little Sexy

2009-09-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've just informed my partner of a very serious request. The most serious of requests in fact, my last request.

When my body ceases to function and it comes time for me to die I don't want to be cremated, or to be placed in a hole in the ground, and I don't want an illegal burial at sea, though I did think about it. When the great Charles Heston in the sky comes for me, I want one thing to be done with this mortal coil of mine. My earthly remains will undergo the process called plastination, preserving me forever as one of the world's largest paper weights.

All fluid will be drained from my muscles and organs, and my skin removed, while German anatomists coat me in epoxy resin and add me to the newest planned exhibit in the controversial, and amazing, Body Worlds showcase.

Body Worlds, if you've never had the pleasure of seeing it personally, is the creation of Gunther von Hagens. It is a truly unique display, where human cadavers are displayed, without skin, so that all or select systems of the body can been viewed by tourists and art aficionados.

For the laymen population, like myself, it is a glimpse into an internal mirror, showing us a side of ourselves that few will ever see, the inside.

Von Gunther has made an announcement about another addition to his anatomical master piece, and its exactly where I want my dried out corpse to end up.

Plans are under way to show a variety of cadavers in a multitude of different sexual positions, in order to show the basic physical process of sex. German conservative politicians are raising a bit of a stink, but the friendly museum goers of Zurich have committed to allowing whatever the anatomist creates, including the, as of yet, unconfirmed, still under discussion, and much debated pieces depicting homosexual sex.

Some days I think if it wasn't or the Germans I'd have nothing to write about.

Having seen a scaled down version of the original, sex free, exhibit recently I have to say just seeing those bodies holding a tennis racket was startling enough, I couldn't imagine seeing Frankenstein's monster giving it to the zombie queen, but isn't that the point of art? To elicit emotion, through shock if necessary. To expose, and educate the beholder in a new point of view. I can say first hand that's exactly what, even the basic Body World, exhibit does, even in its simplest of forms.

This work is important, and if a few German political feathers get ruffled in the process then they should just go back to watching their home made scat porn and simply choose not to view art that they don't appreciate.

Freaky Fridays: Feeder/Gainer

2009-09-11T23:43:00.001-07:00

So its the end of the work week, which means that not only do you get to stay home tomorrow, if you have a a big kid job that is, but it also means it's FREAKY FRIDAY and I love writing for this gig so, so, so much that even though I'm vacationing in Atlanta, taking in an stupefyingly awesome and original music festival, I'm still going to drag my ass out of bed and write something for all my favourite perverts.

I've only been here a day, and even though I grew up in the United States I've noticed something that I guess just kind of escaped me during my childhood, but most medical experts will agree on.

America is fat.

Its okay to be over weight. Obese individuals are still human beings and deserve respect, but it's also a serious health issue for adults and children. The US with its abundance of monetary and natural resources has clearly fetishized eating on a massive scale.

The whole North American continent has a real hard on for consumption in general. The consumption of fuel, consumption of consumerist goods, and now, the consumption of literal consumption.

It seems, for the most part, to be subconscious, and more of a reflection of western society then a common eroticism, but like everything else on the planet there are people who take sexual satisfaction in weight gain and obesity.

Individuals eating to get large, and the people who encourage it, are all part of the kinky feeder/gainer community.

Its a wonderful extension of the general fat fetishist populace and typically common in the gay male culture. Gluttony might be a sin, but here at THE DIRTY WORD we're pro-sin as well as pro-fat.

Feederism, as its called, consists of two key players. The feeder and the gainer. There are a few variations on these titles, but on the whole this seems to be the correct general vocabulary.

The gainer, who usually, but not in all cases, starts out already overweight, typically sets a general goal, or target weight to gain over a relatively short period of time. They will eat deliberately large portions of food, usually unhealthy, until they roll up to their intended body load.

A useful and more health conscious alternative for a potential gainer, especially with a less then enthusiastic, but accommodating partner, is to practice, what is called, stuffing. Stuffing is when said person eats so much that their stomach becomes distended. Its quick, easy, relatively healthier and I'm pretty sure I participated at the last all-you-can-eat sushi night I went to.

The feeder, or encourager, does exactly as their name suggests. They feed and encourage the process. They are a group that might be of any body type, skinny or fat, but have, for some reason or another, erotisized the gainer's process, and its results. As long as both parties are agreeable to the goals set there is no reason immediate reason for alarm.

There are 2 main issues that arise. The first being the most obvious, health. A gainer can their body under incredible strain, obese people suffer more heart attacks, have higher instance of diabetes, and are more then likely to have problems ascending a non escalatorial staircase.

The second has more to do with the feeder and their influence over the gainer. The feeder has fetishized weight gain, and once the original goal is reached, the feeder may want to continue the exercise, or lack there of. Boundaries must be established and respected by both parties.

I am genetically built to be skinny, no doubt. I have no compulsion or urge to grow much larger. In fact, I'd probably develop some serious body image issues over the whole thing, if I ever did put on a substantial amount of weight, but my, and others, aversion to weight gain doesn't preclude the fatties from not just a sex life, but a life style that, in ways, celebrates their bodies.

Every person body will slowly begin to sag with age anyway, so we should all prepare for the inevitable.

Gravity is a harsh mistress

Family Values Wins Again

2009-09-10T00:37:00.000-07:00

Michael Duvall, ultra gay bashing conservative and second term California assemblyman, is now my new favourite US politician.

Not because he's a loving husband, or a staunch supporter of traditional family values, and not because he wanted to amend the 1st amendment, you know, freedom of speech, to limit what people could print on antiwar t-shirts, and its certainly not because of all his hard work to prevent the advance of the United States gay civil rights movement, by helping to suppress the legalization of same sex marriage.

I love Michael Duvall because he's too stupid to know what happens when he's talking directly into a microphone.

If he was smart enough to understand the principles of the digitization of sound then he would, more than likely, not gone on to brag, in great detail, about his mistresses, the lobbyist he's been screwing, and how his dirty seed was spilling out of her all over the floor.

Nothing warms my perverted little heart, and other places, more then a good sex scandal, especially when it involves exposing another one of these hypocritical, old fashioned fucking idiots getting caught for the shit they were all getting away with for decades, all the while spouting rhetoric saying exactly the opposite.

It takes some looking, but you can find the full tape, and I have to say, as a fledgling sex professional, that its a little tame. He gives details of an emerging spanking fetish, and clearly likes to talk dirty to her and a particularly attentive co-worker.

"I'm going up and down the stairs and your dripping out of me," he reported her saying. Leaving cleaning staff in the legislative building to retype their resumés.

Nothing too filthy, maybe a bit racy for the morning news, but he's not shitting on peoples faces, I'm just waiting for the day that little brown nugget get revealed, and it all sounds consensual, so no real crime has been committed.

Despite this fact though "Hot" Mike Duvall resigned his position on Wednesday.

The floors of the legislative building have never been cleaner, though lobbyists report a drop in moral.

Blowing Yourself Away

2009-09-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes you get a funny idea, that you figure couldn't possibly exist outside of a few gifted individuals. Then you decide to Google it and next thing you know you're exposed to the whole wonderful world of autofellatio.

That's right it's like a blow job, but instead of fucking some kind, generous person's mouth, your fucking your own.

I spent the past hour reading all about it. I could go on to explain how it can be bad for your back, or even break down all the different factors involved. I literally have step by step instructions in front of me right now for bending the spine, making it more flexible, strengthening the muscles and beginners techniques, but I'm not going to talk about any of them.

They're out there. Go look if you want.

A lot of them are informative, with interesting pictures and personal testimonials showing that you don't need to be a yoga master, though it helps, or have a 2 foot long penis to pull it off, but I don't care. No tips or tricks, or even links here.

Want to know why?

Because I'm pissed that's why. You mean to tell me that with a regular stretching routine I could have been blowing my own brains out since puberty, and no one told me? What the fuck! Do you have any idea how much money people would save if they knew that they didn't have to buy cards on Valentine's Day, cook dinner on birthdays, and purchase alcohol at bars, just to get a little head at the end of the night?

Millions, literally millions.

It's too late now of course. I'm engaged, inflexible, and have spent a small fortune in the pursuits of my youthful sexual exploits.

So fuck you autofellatists. Fuck you in your jizzim stained pearly white smiles, because if I was 16 and could polish my own trumpet I'd be the happiest kid in the gymnastics class and I'm not going to help educate a whole new generation of you cock suckers.

What I am going to do is go down stairs, take the giant yoga book off the shelf, and when I can finally blow myself I'm going to move to Los Angeles, where that shit is pretty much standard practice.

Melts in Your Mouth

2009-09-08T21:51:00.001-07:00

What does cobra's blood, urine, placenta, and green M&M's have in common?

They're all believed in some region of the world to be powerful aphrodisiacs, making ordinary men into sexual supermen.

Its a bit of a far cry from avocado, and ginger, but we have to face the fact that we're living in a world where the South China Tiger was nearly hunted into extinction due to the belief that the savoury, delicious testicles of the creature lead to virility and increased fertility.

Just last year a 35 year old New York man died after ingesting a specific toad venom called, Black Stone, extracted from a dried West Indian reptile.

Little did he realize it's meant to be applied topically, not swallowed, which in a twist of tragic irony, made the venom the only thing that got swallowed that night.

Its an odd subject to research, and, surprisingly, the library, and my other typical forms of nontechnical periodicals were less then forth coming on the subject. There was always Cosmo, but if I wanted to go that way I could just save time it would take to read it all and make it up myself.

Yes, Cosmo makes it all up, humming lightly against a man's elbow will not arouse anyone, they'll just want their arm back from the crazy humming person in their bed.

Thank black Jesus for the internet.

Yes because now people can be informed about how sperm whale bile, or Ambergris, as it was once known, dried toad headed lizard, Fugu, aka puffer fish, buffalo balls, and seemingly every vagina and penis shaped fruit in existence, is going to make you fuck like gangbusters.

Actually the belief that foods like bananas and ginseng root are colloquial with increased sexual libido originated with the thought that anything that looks like a sex organ, must therefore be beneficial to the area it seems to mimic.

The old standard of course is the never fail, sure fire, dependable "Spanish Fly." Which some horny scientist, probably another lonely zoologist (http://questionsex.blogspot.com/2009/08/sexolution-to-disease.html), acutely took some time to prove.

Spanish Fly, as it is known in truck stops and rest areas across North America, is actuality the extract of the small, green cantharides beetle. The chemical stimulates and irritates the whole urinary system. A feeling that some foolish individual might mistake for for arousal. It has been used medically since ancient Greece.

There is a huge expansive list, of common and unusual aphrodisiacs, but many seemed to rely more on speculation and I couldn't confirm a lot of them with a believable source.

Though I did confirm placenta!

Physiologically speaking however, and according to Henry Kissinger, the greatest turn on remains power. Making Hillary Clinton the sexiest woman in the USA.

Needless to say, no matter what's true and what not, we should all eat the green M&M's just before bed.

Germans: yeah we go there.

2009-09-07T21:14:00.000-07:00

I never realized how hot sex with Hitler could be.

Wow, that's probably the last thing I never expected to write, but I'll type it again.

Hitler is a wild animal in the bedroom. At least according to award winning German advertising company "Das Comitee," he is.

In the weeks preceding AID week, starting December 1, a series of televison commercials will run showing the Führer having hot, sweaty, anti-Semitic sex with an anonymous woman. Not bad when you consider he'd of turned 120 years old last april.

Adolf's likeness is being used as a cleaver, yet shocking metaphor for the dangers of unprotected sex. At the very end of ad the message runs "unsafe sex is a mass murderer."

Also three print ads will run showing Saddam Hussein, Josef Stalin and, again, Hitler all in similar situations to what's depicted in the commercial.

AIDS charities are up in arms, and they have the right to be. The idea of likening someone with AIDS or HIV continues to propagate a dangerous stigma, but its an interesting attention grabbing, original vehicle for spreading an important message. Personally I like it because its so shocking, from beginning to end there isn't anyone in the room who isn't paying attention.

I went to a catholic high school, I remember watching the absence only sex education videos. You know the same program that was proven to increase teenage pregnancies, but that's a topic for another time, and the sensationalism of the campaign is striking a lot of similar chords in my mind.

Message wise I mean, not fucking histories greatest monster wise.

HIV and AIDS is not an epidemic anymore, its a pandemic, meaning everyone, everywhere who is getting their freak on needs to be aware that they are at risk. This isn't just a gay disease, or an african disease, or a poor disease, or an Easy-E disease anymore, its a human disease, effecting human beings, and some primates, everywhere.

We can't ghettoize infected people, they're entitled to all the same rights as everyone else. They're entitled to quality of life, and that includes a sex life. The key is disclosure, education, and availability of treatment options. Here in Canada, with socialized medicine, its not an issue. People further south and around the world, might have some problems.

For the those of us who still test negative, and remain promiscuous, the key is safety. So remember everyone, once the ugly lights come on in the bar, boy or girl, Lothar Machtan did write a book claiming to prove the forementioned German's homosexuality, if your going to go home with Hitler, or anyone for that matter, please, pretty please, with sugar on top, use real 98% effective barrier protection and get tested, now.

I did.

Freaky Fridays: Hypnofetishism

2009-09-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

A lot of sexual play is based around control. Large parts of BDSM, rape fantasies, slave play, and so on, are build around losing or gaining complete control over another person. Control play is easy. It has its extremes and is sometimes as simple as being the top or the bottom for a change. It can be holding down your sex partners arms, and as (consensually) cruel as orgasm denial.

It does really beg the question though, how much control can a person lose? What is the truest form of gaining complete mastery over someone? Is it having a live in slave? Does your partner's hold on your collar and leash to keep you in disciplined and powerless in the bedroom?

What could possibly make someone more vulnerable then being strapped down with no way to wiggle you limbs free?

The answer is east enough. Mind control, hypnofetishism, or what's referred to by its advocates as erotic hypnosis.

The principles are the same used by the asshole at your company christmas party, who made you boss quack like a duck. Only instead of quacking, the boss-duck's probably getting a dick in its mouth.

The submissive is placed into a trance, or at least if accommodating enough will appear to enter a trance for their partner. There are a variety of methods of recommended for non-professionals to bring their others into the suggestible state required and then even more for "deepening" the subjects dream like state. They include combinations of lights, sounds, voice suggestion, swinging pocket watches, and even annoying spinning vortexes available on the internet.

From there the subjects actions are controlled by suggestion. The goal being to have control of the others actions, perceptions, and the level of their arousal.

The hypnotist is given total control, while the hypnotee is freed from any inhibition, fear, and in an erotic sense, responsibility for their actions. They are totally free to be completely dominated without forcing their partner to learn a series of complicated knots.

The mind of the sub can be sent to fantasy locations, placed in drastically different scenarios, and all of the 5 senses told to experience a sensation a step or two off from reality.

Personally, I don't 100% buy into the idea that I can be pushed aside and my subconscious erotic imagination brought to the forefront, and then bent and shaped to someone else's desire. Maybe I'm not suggestible enough, or maybe someone doesn't know what they're capable of until some ass with a pocket watch is tell you to do it.

Just Add Milk

2009-09-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

Breakfast, its the most important meal of the day. I know in my house when I get up at the crack of dawn, ready to spread my sexual deviance across all of gods creation, I pour myself a big bowl of Raisin Bran or Harvest Crunch or even Special K. I'll shove eggs bacon, ham, sausage, even some nice morning salmon, if possible, into my mouth. Waffles, crepes, pancakes, I'll eat anything put in front of my face, except, of course, Kellogg's Corn Flakes.

Its not the Flakes I take issue with. I mean they're a little bland and flavourless for my taste, but there isn't a whole lot offensive about the cereal itself. Is the Kellogg family I don't care for.

The famous red logo on all the boxes is William Keith Kellogg's own signature. He and his brother John developed the american foodstuff during a time, according to http://www.kellogghistory.com/, that peoples "eating habits began shifting from heavy, fat-laden breakfasts to lighter, more grain-based meals."

There is a lot of history in those corn-grain flakes. Young master William was quite the savvy business man. As his cereal empire grew William made his mark in the great stomach of history, while his brother John fell by the way side.

But, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, was an interesting man. He's responsible for coining the term sanatarium, to refer to mental institutions, he adopted over 40 children, was a skilled inventor, and for a time was a prominent member of his church.

More to the point of this article, he also authored a book entitled, "Plain Facts," which served as a health warning to help parents recognize the signs that their child suffered from all the awful side effects of the vile, immoral, scourge of masturbation.

"In my opinion, neither the plague, nor war, nor small-pox, nor similar diseases, have produced results so disastrous to humanity as the pernicious habit of onanism [jerking it]."

Indicators included pimples, underdeveloped breasts, sluggishness, and having functioning fucking human sex organs. Would you guess what one of Dr. Kellogg's main theories of the cause was? Its easy enough, poor diet and overly flavourful food.

So to combat the affliction, the Kelloggs invented Corn Flakes, originally called "Sanitas Nut Food." Afterwards, William would add sugar, repackage the cereal, leave his family church, the Seventh Day Adventists, who were also totally bat shit crazy, and become one of the most successful american business men never to graduate the 7th grade, until the 2 term election of George W. Bush that is.

Though after reading "Plain Facts," one discovers that diet was not the sole cure for playing on the devils clarinet, yes that's a direct metaphor. You learn of treatment, running from afternoon naps all the way to applying electricity directly to the region of "irritation." The worst of cases, which would of been me around the age of 15, would require "internal applications," or as it's called today, surgery.

This man was a doctor. A legal mental health professional, and is on record saying he never had sex with his wife and the more I research his life, the more I'm inclined to believe it. They slept in separate beds, everyday of their marriage. Had no children, and promoted crazy ideas like abstaining from alcohol and tobacco.

Here at THE DIRTY WORD, we're pro alcohol, pro sex, pro masturbation, and anti electrodes attached to our genitals, non consensually anyway. I want everyone to know the history of what they're putting in their mouth, food or other wise, because you never know what asshole was using it for before you.

India Continues Path to Decriminalize Homosexuality

2009-09-02T19:43:00.000-07:00

You know, as much as I like to look south into the USA and bemoan their restrictions of the rights of their gay citizens, as much as I criticize certain, openly homophobic, proud to be bigoted, unnamed, major news networks, owned by Rupert Murdock, and I am always looking for signs that Steven Harper's firebrand family values rhetoric is returning in our own country, it's pretty easy to forget sometimes that the United States and Canada's gay rights movement is far more advanced then a large portion of the world.

And, I'll point out, Canada is leaps and bounds further then the US, even with a "progressive" conservative government. All because Canadians are smarter, cleaner and better looking.

In research done by the International Lesbian & Gay Association in 2007, it found that it was illegal to commit, even consensual sex acts with a member of the same sex. Countries included on this list are Barbados, Jamaica, and until very recently, India.

That's right, a few months ago on the 25th of June 2009 a New Delhi High Court eliminated a 148 year old law that criminalized homosexual sex and forever crippled the Indian fashion industry. A conviction of "carnal intercourse against the order of nature," could carry a fine and a maximum of 10 years in jail.

The Indian government still retains the power to challenge the ruling in their supreme court, but it was announced today that by the Union Law Minister that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who will make his official decision next week, will allow the ruling to stand.

A wide variety of religious groups have mounted their own appeal, but I choose to think that crazy people on a street corner screaming about god and the end of the world will not sway, what currently seems like, a steadfast and rational government.

This is a first of many steps, up a long winding staircase of political debate and religious arguments, and provoked public fear. We struggle with this today in our own culture and need to support India's process toward greater equality for all people.

While one of the worlds oldest civilizations moves toward tolerance, we must again look to ourselves and realize that even though, comparably, North America is light years ahead of many places, if all the crazy people like Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin, and even Steven Harper get their way, then being gay could become a crime again.

Life Styles of the Rich and Famous

2009-09-01T02:56:00.001-07:00

Someone asked me today why I haven't written anything on the evangelical church debating and voting in a new clerical law, allowing openly gay clergy members have sex while in committed relationships.

In short, its because its a bull shit move, with little to no effect on gay rights in North America and I refuse to write about it. So instead I'm going to throw away 451 words (the same number of ELCA delegates that voted against allowing homosexual ministers from being in monogamous and committed sexual partnerships) on a totally non socially relevant puff piece, on nothing really that important.

Rich, better educated women are statistically shown to have more orgasms then their poorer, stupider, seemingly less fulfilled, counter parts.

That's right. Not only do they wear nicer clothes, live in bigger houses and look better longer, due to all the extra botox they can afford, they also have more fun wiggling out of their knickers then average people. If all the impoverished women across North America could be reading this right now, they'd probably all kill themselves, good thing none of them can afford the internet.

An Austrialian study showed that heterosexual women, who hold a post secondary degree reach that super fun totally awesome sexual climax more often. Or one could deduce that rich men are better lovers.

Dr. Thomas Pollet, and Professor Daniel Nettle, who's incomes are unknown, are the co-authors of the study.

They believe that the female orgasm, which has no bearing on the reproductive process, is a form of "evolutionary adaption," and that the climax for woman “serves to discriminate between males on the basis of their quality...If so, then it should be more frequent in females paired with high-quality males.”

The study also points out that there is the possibility that the more desirable males may actively seek out women who are highly orgasmic.

The interesting part, that a few reporters before me have pointed out, is that the research suggests that if money is the cause of all the blood rushing to a woman's face in a Malibu beach house, then women are programmed, genetically, or socially (more then likely the latter) to go for the rich guy.

The difficult part is that this study speaks in generalities about the entire gender of one species when the research was conducted mostly in one culture (china) and was gathered mostly over the telephone. Its also hard to link something evolutionary, like sex acts, to something in our social environment, money.

The real fact that is being missed here, among all the research, figures and facts, is that if proven to be true, this study is final evidence that now, more then ever, life is totally unfair.

UN Recommendations for Sex Education

2009-08-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

I just spent the weekend doing three things. First reading the entire UNESCO (U.N.'s Economic, Social and Cultural Organization) report on recommendations for universal sex education to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS. Secondly I read all the leftist blogs and news reports condemning, exaggerating and vilifying a minute section of this coma inducing literature, and lastly I managed to dedicate a colossal chunk of my two day reprieve, watching my partner vomit into a stainless steel metal pot.

I'm sure its the swine flu, but H1N1 is not the most sickening pest to find its way into my household since Friday evening.

There has been this out pouring of, in a lot of cases, out right lies or total embellishment of what the report says. It was hard, having read the critics interpretation of the piece, not to feel total aversion to it. The shocking headlines warning us that the United Nations wants to teach all the worlds children how to masturbate by age 5 seemed ludicrous and unnecessary. Having then spent a while reading a few less damning pieces it really became clear that the issue was worth a bit more investigating.

After muscling through the entire document, I found a few points that seemed a bit odd, but on the whole, it seems like a smart, informative plan working toward progressive sex education with hopes to really effect the way the next generation will look at sex.

The typical and most controversial points discussed seem to be the age that children are taught about masturbation, age 5-8, and the age that they'll learn about the pros and cons of aphrodisiacs and the rights to a safe abortion, age 9-12, and from 12-15, they'll learn the possible reasons for abortion.

Seriously though, fox news shat a chicken over the last one.

Its bizarre, I'll admit that. Thinking about discussing plain old vanilla missionary, birds and bees style intercourse with children is enough, it seems, to make most parents shudder. We have to admit to ourselves that we have a narrow view of the sexual reality, not just in this country, but in the world.

According to the Iowa State University the average age that kids are becoming sexuality active, in lower income families is 12.77. If your lucky enough to be born in what is considered a middle class to high income family its age 14.9.

So if we take the American average from above and apply it on a worldwide scale to the 1.4 billion people living below the poverty line, (any person that lives on less then $1.25 a day according to the world bank) then the idea that sex education doesn't start from a younger age is almost negligent. In countries and nations with extremely high rates of HIV/AIDS infections, like Africa, there was a growing need for unabashed, comprehensive, and mature sex education, 10 fucking years ago, now the fact that a decisive internationally endorsed program isn't being implemented, its practically criminal.

The report in no way recommends teaching children age 5-8 how to masturbate, they recommend that children in that age group learn what masturbation is, that touching yourself can (I think we'll all agree) feel good, and that there are times when its not appropriate participate in said activities.

As for 9-12 years learning about peoples rights to abortion, well part of that demographic is already having sex, so unless your catholic, or were born with some other learning disability that make you think women don't possess the deed to their own bodies, then in principle it all makes some kind of logical sense. Not surprising when you consider that the 2 researchers that wrote the thing were Dr. Doug Kirby, an expert in the field of adolescent sexuality, and is studying the decline of AIDS in Uganda and Nanette Ecker, the former director of international education and training at the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States.

Its not easy to agree with every single point made and no one is really expecting a total consensus on what is, without a doubt, a difficult issue, but the total dismissal of something simply because the world public might have to have a real debate about teaching what we think is appropriate and what we know is necessary, to combat a growing global pandemic.

I hope no one minds that the week starts off with a rant. It'll all be butt sex and foot fetishes from here.

Freaky Fridays: Sounding

2009-08-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first, of hopefully many, Freaky Fridays and the end the first week of THE DIRTY WORD weblog.

My overall plan is to make every Friday's topic about some misrepresented, misunderstood, incredibly bizarre, or plainly unknown kink, so if your squeamish, I'd just rest your eyes after Thursday's column, because its going to get pretty weird from here.

Really, go do something else.

We're going to end the work day with a subject that just sounds so incredibly agonizing, there is no way I could not discuss it publicly.

Today's topic is the slightly intriguing, commonly frightening, sexual adventurism known as urethral sounding or urethral play.

Its a delightful process, in which an item, usually a long stainless steel medical instrument, known as a sound, typically used by urologists, is inserted up the urethra. Doctors use these tools to stretch the urethra and locate possible obstructions. Not doctors, as we'll call them here, have found expressly different home uses for these objects.

Adamant sounding fetishists, usually males, use the tool for verity of reasons, with a whole multitude of different goals in mind, but all resulting in physical or mental sexual pleasure.

The desired result seems to be to expand the tiny opening of the urethra, allowing increasingly larger toys to be inserted.

In men, deep penile penetration, can be used as a means of stimulating the prostate from within. Typically though, the act plays more into a submission or domination, power dynamic scenario. Having less to do with the physical sensations of the object being inserted and more to do with the control and, depending on your sexuality, the reversal of gender roles. A heterosexual man can go from being the fucker, to being the fuckee.

The pain involved, not to mention the visual aspect could also stimulate certain masochist's tastes.

There are a verity of different type of sounds. Some shops offer custom work. While researching this article I read a man's story about his quest for a short hollow sound, he could wear all day, without removal, even during trips to the little deviants room.

The selection for these devices only seems to end with imagination and physical limitations. The most popular and easy to find seem to be the "Van Buren," which sounds like a German furniture company, the "vibrating sound," and the "rosebud," which is a very thin metal tube, with a large egg shaped bullet at the end of it, used to "stimulate the inner lining of the urethra." The name also means I'll never be able to watch Citizen Kane without giggling.

Everything discussed above has to do mostly with the male urethral play scene. There are sounds made just for women. They're shorter, and a different shape all together. Information on female play is harder to come by and because the urethra is shorter, the risk for infection is greater. The best way to avoid this is by consulting a kink friendly doctor or experimenting with a trusted and experienced partner. Certain professional dominatrixes are well versed in urethral play, and are easily found if you have access to google.

I hope this whole educational experience has been as emotional scaring as it has been for me. In the mean time I'm going to excuse myself from the office and try to remove a chop stick from my pee hole.

The Origin of Sex

2009-08-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

Incredibly lonely zoologists have been questioning/bemoaning the fact that human beings can't reproduce asexually for generations. They might finally have the explanation to why, not to mention more material to jot down in their tear stained diaries, on a Friday night, while all the cool kids who decided to study micro-biology, score with all the hottest undergraduates at the party no one invited them to.

A recent paper, written by a sultry, seductive, zoology professor at the University British Columbia, named Sarah Otto, was published in a July issue of a medical journal called "the American Naturalist." It addresses the possible evolutionary reasons why a majority of creatures on our planet reproduce using the complicated, inefficient, wasteful method of sex, when, from a scientific stand point, its simply easier to reproduce asexually.

The report fortunately has nothing to do with the American Naturist (or nudist) movement , because despite my earlier statements, no one wants to see Sarah Otto naked.

"Reproducing without sex--like microbes, some plants and even a few reptiles--would seem like a better way to go. Every individual in an asexual species has the ability to reproduce on its own."

Well that might be so, but its also pretty fucking boring isn't it.

The really interesting part is that evolutionists really do struggle to explain an evolutionary reason for sex. To take it even further they even have trouble explaining the events that created gender. Its interesting to think that the most widely accepted scientific theory of life as we know it, doesn't have a consistent unanimous consensus on an explanation for one of the most fundamental differences between, not just human beings, but every creature, and a few plants, that procreate using sexual reproduction.

I am not a creationist. I think all the proof I ever need of Darwin's theories was taught to me when I was six and decided that all the fossils scattered across the planet hadn't been put there so god could test me.

It was just a little shocking, when researching something so widely accepted, to find the gaps that separate a scientific theory from scientific fact so gapingly large.

Asexual reproduction on paper, seems like an easier more effective way to propagate a species. No searching for a compatible mate, no real trouble conceiving, and no need to buy anyone dinner first. Its quick and its clean and all your kids look exactly like you, and therein lies the key to Professor Otto's theory on the need for sex.

When an asexual animal, like certain worms (see August 24th's article for more on the growing LGBTQ worm community), reproduces, it births an exact copy of itself. A total clone, no different than its parent.

On the other hand when two creatures, like George and Barbara Bush get together and slide out a few kids they get hideous little troll dolls created by an almost random mixing of their genetics. Some are tall, some are short, and some are just retarded.

Evolutionarily this is an important difference. One colony of amoebae (as I just learnt is the plural of amoeba) has no differences, meaning they are all completely vulnerable to the exact same diseases, parasites, and infirmities.

Us fuckers, on the other hand, take traits from both parents, and create a similar, but distinctively different offspring. We take some of our parents weaknesses, and susceptibility, but also combine their immunities and strengths.

"Sexual populations maintain stability, while asexual populations face extinction at the hands of parasites."

Meaning we win, again, we're better then jelly fish.

The only real tragedy being that even though I might live longer and be more resilient to some illnesses then my father, I'm still going to loose my hair.

P-FUCKS

2009-08-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week the United States of America took a giant step forward, bring them closer to truly having equal rights for all men and women. A small minority, after years of long, hard political battling, finally saw there dreams realized and accomplished more for their people then any other time in their history.

Looking back through the eras its hard not to think of other civil rights movements that came before them and those leaders, immortalized forever by their actions, and the collective struggle of their people.

Names like Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X for their contributions to the American black communities struggle for equality, Oscar Zeta Acosta and his role in the Chicano movement (circumstances of his mysterious, supposed death not withstanding), and Harvey Milk with all his work for the gay community, will have to make some room on the shelve of great historical repute and eminence, because Greg Quinlan and his legion of reformed christian ex-cock suckers are moving on up.

Greg is, of course, the director of PFOX, the Parents and Friends of ExGays and Gays. An organization built around an acronym that makes no sense and the christian fundi belief that enough prayer, therapy, and good old fashion 1950's style guilt can "cure" the affliction and simply chase the devil out of the sinner.

They won't say from which hole exactly Satan escapes from, but its probably a pretty painful experience.

Idiotic ideology aside, with the pounding of the gavel a District of Columbia court has declaired ex-gays, or former homosexuals, a totally legitimate, not made up, sexual orientation, and therefor are covered under the D.C. Human Rights Act and there for protected against discrimination.

I support protection of any group of people. A hate crime can be committed against any member of any race, religion, or sexuality, and there should be law protecting everybody, even the crazy, confused, desperately trying to repair the closet door, "former" homosexuals.

What actually makes an organization like this so dangerous is the effect this philosophy can have during a persons coming out process, especially if they are young. While struggling to accept the reality they are facing, a lot of people, usually men, go through a denial process. They attempt reason with their desires, believing maybe its possible to consciously will heterophila onto themselves.

PFOX and its ilk display misinformation and studies by strictly homo-negitive physicians and the conjecture of religious leaders as unbiased fact. It can all play on a pubescent teenager's already confused mind and create an unrealistic exception of controlling thoughts and feeling at a point in sexual development that no one has control of any aspect of their sexuality.

For a religious person, when the "treatment" inevitably fails, the individual has not only let themselves down, they have failed their god, possibly creating a deeper feeling of isolation from their community and could result in self labelling as a freak, or an abomination, if you read Leviticus that is.

Continually it also can also delay, or possibly halt the parents and relatives of a queer person's, acceptance of their loved ones homosexuality. Placing more strain on an already difficult experience.

The ironic part of the whole recent court fiasco is that Greg Quinlan, and his merry men, actually lost the complaint they filed, accusing the National Education Association, of discrimination for not allowing them to set up a booth at the NEA's annual Expo in 2002.

They waited three years to file the complaint.

The final decision came down against PFOX, because they weren't denied a booth because they were ex-gays, they were denied a booth because they're anti-gay. Still the organization regards the ruling that they could be discriminated against legally as a victory.

Following their lead, I will continue rue their existence, but view the fact that I live in a different country then these people as a victory.

Galileo's Telescope: 400 years of peeping

2009-08-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

400 years ago today, in the year of 1609 Galileo Galilei, turned his mighty looking glass toward the heavens. His device would challenge the religious establishment of his time, play a key role in the scientific revolution, and change the way human being saw the universe around them forever. It also is allowing me see my neighbor in the shower across the street.

More people should shave their back hair.

He's been hailed as the "father of modern physics" by famous names from Albert Einstein to Stephen Hawking. Denounced during his life time for arguing scientific ideals contrary to a slightly crazier version of our modern catholic church. Galilei was even tried and even briefly imprisoned by Pope Urban VIII and the inquisition for suggesting ideas, sexily described as being "vehemently suspect of heresy."

Even after his trial his later works would continued to be banned. It wasn't until a well known Dutch publishing family named Elzevir circumvented the church in order to publish his last known work, that his name was ever seen on printed on page again.

He lived an extraordinary life dedicated to the pursuit of truth, relenting only to avoid torture and possible death.

We owe this man a great deal of worship, and I would like to take the time to stop and reflect further on the conviction and certitude he poured into his craft.

I would like to, but I'm far too busy looking through my telescope while masturbating to the woman two buildings down five floors up. This man made peeking through key holes about as necessary as the horse drawn carriage. Now I can gaze upward and admire the heavens or gaze slightly lower into the personal sex lives of any poor fool who had to choose between buying that leather face mask, or blinds for his bedroom.

Despite popularizing Nicolaus Copernicus theory of a heliocentric universe he will always be credited for inventing the essential weapon in the voyeur arsenal. His genius allowed him to scan the surface of the moon and continues to allow lonely astronomy buffs to gaze into the endless universes of the apartment building across the street.

So congratulations Galileo Galilei, happy anniversary. Your superiour intillect allowed you to be credited with the invention of the telescope only one year after Hans Lipperhey applied for a patent on the exact same device in 1608.

Transsexual Worms

2009-08-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

It's a brand new blog, with brand new ideas, that looks remarkably similar to all kinds of other blogs, and to start off this thought provoking, opinion altering, visually similar writing project I'm going with hard hitting ground breaking stuff. Which is why I'm making the flagship post of THE DIRTY WORD all about mad scientist Erik Jorgensen and his trans worms.

As science director of the Brain Institute at the University of Utah he and his colleges developed a method that causes the female worms to be attracted to members of the same sex.

While working with a typically hermaphroditic species know as the nematode worm, the study estimated that only one out of five hundred of slimy bastards is actually born totally male, and must seek out a mate, while the rest of the population waits quietly, until the proper nutrients present itself, and then indulges in all the joyful delights of asexual reproduction that we humans will never know.

All worms are born totally blind and have evolved with special sensors in place of their absent optics. The males of the species use pheromone sensors to sniff out their potential romantic prospects and wiggle their way toward their smelly squeeze through the dirt, while the common agamous "female" gender uses those same sensors for detecting food.

What Jorgensen and his team did was change the hermaphrodite worms, who are essentially female with a small sperm reserve stored away somewhere in their little wormy bodies, by flipping "the genetic switches" in their brain cells so that they were mentally males. The laboratory outed annelids then began using the sensors they once used to find food, to find a mate, of the same sex.

Awesome, isn't it?

Jorgensen hopes that this could be proof of what any mental health professional studying sexuality could of told you ten years ago, that homosexuality is hard wired into the brain, and that no amount of drugs or therapy or praying to white catholic Jesus will make it go away. He is, however, the first to admit that the human mind is infinitely more complicated then a worms (I hope) and warns anyone against reading too deeply into the data and jumping to conclusions.

Major media outlets, who aren't ignoring the story, have dubbed the creation the "lesbian worms" when really, if you consider the basic information as its presented, is wrong. Its plane to see that what Jorgensen has done is create a race of young, gender confused, angsty, transsexual bugs. A mind, in an incorrect body, is the literal definition of transgendered when applied to human beings and seems to be a more appropriate fit.

The trick, of course, is to not confuse societies simplified labels with complicated facts about an odd, but no doubt interesting, experiment. Hopefully researchers will graduate onto similar studies, with more complicated manner of creature, and unlock deeper secrets in the science of sexuality.

In the mean time we'll all need to work on our gender neutral pronouns before going fishing.