Freaky Fridays: Feeder/Gainer

So its the end of the work week, which means that not only do you get to stay home tomorrow, if you have a a big kid job that is, but it also means it's FREAKY FRIDAY and I love writing for this gig so, so, so much that even though I'm vacationing in Atlanta, taking in an stupefyingly awesome and original music festival, I'm still going to drag my ass out of bed and write something for all my favourite perverts.

I've only been here a day, and even though I grew up in the United States I've noticed something that I guess just kind of escaped me during my childhood, but most medical experts will agree on. 

America is fat. 

Its okay to be over weight. Obese individuals are still human beings and deserve respect, but it's also a serious health issue for adults and children. The US with its abundance of monetary and natural resources has clearly fetishized eating on a massive scale. 

The whole North American continent has a real hard on for consumption in general. The consumption of fuel, consumption of consumerist goods, and now, the consumption of literal consumption. 


It seems, for the most part, to be subconscious, and more of a reflection of western society then a common eroticism, but like everything else on the planet there are people who take sexual satisfaction in weight gain and obesity. 


Individuals eating to get large, and the people who encourage it, are all part of the kinky feeder/gainer community.

Its a wonderful extension of the general fat fetishist populace and typically common in the gay male culture. Gluttony might be a sin, but here at THE DIRTY WORD we're pro-sin as well as pro-fat.

Feederism, as its called, consists of two key players. The feeder and the gainer. There are a few variations on these titles, but on the whole this seems to be the correct general vocabulary. 

The gainer, who usually, but not in all cases, starts out already overweight, typically sets a general goal, or target weight to gain over a relatively short period of time. They will eat deliberately large portions of food, usually unhealthy, until they roll up to their intended body load.

A useful and more health conscious alternative for a potential gainer, especially with a less then enthusiastic, but accommodating partner, is to practice, what is called, stuffing. Stuffing is when said person eats so much that their stomach becomes distended. Its quick, easy, relatively healthier and I'm pretty sure I participated at the last all-you-can-eat sushi night I went to.

The feeder, or encourager, does exactly as their name suggests. They feed and encourage the process. They are a group that might be of any body type, skinny or fat, but have, for some reason or another, erotisized the gainer's process, and its results. As long as both parties are agreeable to the goals set there is no reason immediate reason for alarm.

There are 2 main issues that arise. The first being the most obvious, health. A gainer can their body under incredible strain, obese people suffer more heart attacks, have higher instance of diabetes, and are more then likely to have problems ascending a non escalatorial staircase. 

The second has more to do with the feeder and their influence over the gainer. The feeder has fetishized weight gain, and once the original goal is reached, the feeder may want to continue the exercise, or lack there of. Boundaries must be established and respected by both parties.

I am genetically built to be skinny, no doubt. I have no compulsion or urge to grow much larger. In fact, I'd probably develop some serious body image issues over the whole thing, if I ever did put on a substantial amount of weight, but my, and others, aversion to weight gain doesn't preclude the fatties from not just a sex life, but a life style that, in ways, celebrates their bodies.


Every person body will slowly begin to sag with age anyway, so we should all prepare for the inevitable.


Gravity is a harsh mistress 

Family Values Wins Again

Michael Duvall, ultra gay bashing conservative and second term California assemblyman, is now my new favourite US politician.

Not because he's a loving husband, or a staunch supporter of traditional family values, and not because he wanted to amend the 1st amendment, you know, freedom of speech, to limit what people could print on antiwar t-shirts, and its certainly not because of all his hard work to prevent the advance of the United States gay civil rights movement, by helping to suppress the legalization of same sex marriage. 

I love Michael Duvall because he's too stupid to know what happens when he's talking directly into a microphone.

If he was smart enough to understand the principles of the digitization of sound then he would, more than likely, not gone on to brag, in great detail, about his mistresses, the lobbyist he's been screwing, and how his dirty seed was spilling out of her all over the floor.

Nothing warms my perverted little heart, and other places, more then a good sex scandal, especially when it involves exposing another one of these hypocritical, old fashioned fucking idiots getting caught for the shit they were all getting away with for decades, all the while spouting rhetoric saying exactly the opposite.

It takes some looking, but you can find the full tape, and I have to say, as a fledgling sex professional, that its a little tame. He gives details of an emerging spanking fetish, and clearly likes to talk dirty to her and a particularly attentive co-worker. 

"I'm going up and down the stairs and your dripping out of me," he reported her saying. Leaving cleaning staff in the legislative building to retype their resumés.

Nothing too filthy, maybe a bit racy for the morning news, but he's not shitting on peoples faces, I'm just waiting for the day that little brown nugget get revealed, and it all sounds consensual, so no real crime has been committed.

Despite this fact though "Hot" Mike Duvall resigned his position on Wednesday. 

The floors of the legislative building have never been cleaner, though lobbyists report a drop in moral.

Blowing Yourself Away

You know sometimes you get a funny idea, that you figure couldn't possibly exist outside of a few gifted individuals. Then you decide to Google it and next thing you know you're exposed to the whole wonderful world of autofellatio. 

That's right it's like a blow job, but instead of fucking some kind, generous person's mouth, your fucking your own.

I spent the past hour reading all about it. I could go on to explain how it can be bad for your back, or even break down all the different factors involved. I literally have step by step instructions in front of me right now for bending the spine, making it more flexible, strengthening the muscles and beginners techniques, but I'm not going to talk about any of them. 

They're out there. Go look if you want.

A lot of them are informative, with interesting pictures and personal testimonials showing that you don't need to be a yoga master, though it helps, or have a 2 foot long penis to pull it off, but I don't care. No tips or tricks, or even links here.

Want to know why?

Because I'm pissed that's why. You mean to tell me that with a regular stretching routine I could have been blowing my own brains out since puberty, and no one told me? What the fuck! Do you have any idea how much money people would save if they knew that they didn't have to buy cards on Valentine's Day, cook dinner on birthdays, and purchase alcohol at bars, just to get a little head at the end of the night?

Millions, literally millions.

It's too late now of course. I'm engaged, inflexible, and have spent a small fortune in the pursuits of my youthful sexual exploits. 

So fuck you autofellatists. Fuck you in your jizzim stained pearly white smiles, because if I was 16 and could polish my own trumpet I'd be the happiest kid in the gymnastics class and I'm not going to help educate a whole new generation of you cock suckers.

What I am going to do is go down stairs, take the giant yoga book off the shelf, and when I can finally blow myself I'm going to move to Los Angeles, where that shit is pretty much standard practice.

Melts in Your Mouth

What does cobra's blood, urine, placenta, and green M&M's have in common?

They're all believed in some region of the world to be powerful aphrodisiacs, making ordinary men into sexual supermen.

Its a bit of a far cry from avocado, and ginger, but we have to face the fact that we're living in a world where the South China Tiger was nearly hunted into extinction due to the belief that the savoury, delicious testicles of the creature lead to virility and increased fertility. 

Just last year a 35 year old New York man died after ingesting a specific toad venom called, Black Stone, extracted from a dried West Indian reptile.

Little did he realize it's meant to be applied topically, not swallowed, which in a twist of tragic irony, made the venom the only thing that got swallowed that night.

Its an odd subject to research, and, surprisingly, the library, and my other typical forms of nontechnical periodicals were less then forth coming on the subject. There was always Cosmo, but if I wanted to go that way I could just save time it would take to read it all and make it up myself.

Yes, Cosmo makes it all up, humming lightly against a man's elbow will not arouse anyone, they'll just want their arm back from the crazy humming person in their bed.

Thank black Jesus for the internet.

Yes because now people can be informed about how sperm whale bile, or Ambergris, as it was once known, dried toad headed lizard, Fugu, aka puffer fish, buffalo balls, and seemingly every vagina and penis shaped fruit in existence, is going to make you fuck like gangbusters.

Actually the belief that foods like bananas and ginseng root are colloquial with increased sexual libido originated with the thought that anything that looks like a sex organ, must therefore be beneficial to the area it seems to mimic.

The old standard of course is the never fail, sure fire, dependable "Spanish Fly." Which some horny scientist, probably another lonely zoologist (http://questionsex.blogspot.com/2009/08/sexolution-to-disease.html), acutely took some time to prove.

Spanish Fly, as it is known in truck stops and rest areas across North America, is actuality the extract of the small, green cantharides beetle. The chemical stimulates and irritates the whole urinary system. A feeling that some foolish individual might mistake for for arousal. It has been used medically since ancient Greece.

There is a huge expansive list, of common and unusual aphrodisiacs, but many seemed to rely more on speculation and I couldn't confirm a lot of them with a believable source.

Though I did confirm placenta!

Physiologically speaking however, and according to Henry Kissinger, the greatest turn on remains power. Making Hillary Clinton the sexiest woman in the USA.

Needless to say, no matter what's true and what not, we should all eat the green M&M's just before bed.

Germans: yeah we go there.

I never realized how hot sex with Hitler could be.

Wow, that's probably the last thing I never expected to write, but I'll type it again. 

Hitler is a wild animal in the bedroom. At least according to award winning German advertising company "Das Comitee," he is. 

In the weeks preceding AID week, starting December 1, a series of televison commercials will run showing the Führer having hot, sweaty, anti-Semitic sex with an anonymous woman. Not bad when you consider he'd of turned 120 years old last april.

Adolf's likeness is being used as a cleaver, yet shocking metaphor for the dangers of unprotected sex. At the very end of ad the message runs "unsafe sex is a mass murderer."  

Also three print ads will run showing Saddam Hussein, Josef Stalin and, again, Hitler all in similar situations to what's depicted in the commercial.

AIDS charities are up in arms, and they have the right to be. The idea of likening someone with AIDS or HIV continues to propagate a dangerous stigma, but its an interesting attention grabbing, original vehicle for spreading an important message. Personally I like it because its so shocking, from beginning to end there isn't anyone in the room who isn't paying attention.

I went to a catholic high school, I remember watching the absence only sex education videos. You know the same program that was proven to increase teenage pregnancies, but that's a topic for another time, and the sensationalism of the campaign is striking a lot of similar chords in my mind.

Message wise I mean, not fucking histories greatest monster wise. 

HIV and AIDS is not an epidemic anymore, its a pandemic, meaning everyone, everywhere who is getting their freak on needs to be aware that they are at risk. This isn't just a gay disease, or an african disease, or a poor disease, or an Easy-E disease anymore, its a human disease, effecting human beings, and some primates, everywhere.

We can't ghettoize infected people, they're entitled to all the same rights as everyone else. They're entitled to quality of life, and that includes a sex life. The key is disclosure, education, and availability of treatment options. Here in Canada, with socialized medicine, its not an issue. People further south and around the world, might have some problems.

For the those of us who still test negative, and remain promiscuous, the key is safety. So remember everyone, once the ugly lights come on in the bar, boy or girl, Lothar Machtan did write a book claiming to prove the forementioned German's homosexuality, if your going to go home with Hitler, or anyone for that matter, please, pretty please, with sugar on top, use real 98% effective barrier protection and get tested, now.

I did.